The sw eet pretty things are in be d now, of co urse
The c ity fathers, they're trying t o endorse
The r eincarnation of Pau l Revere's horse
But the to wn has no ne ed to be nervous
The g host of Belle Starr, she ha nds down her w its
To J ezebel the nun, sh e violently k nits
A bald wig for Jack the Ri pper, who sits
At the h ead of the Ch amber of C ommerce
Ma ma's in the factory, sh e ain't got no shoes
Da ddy's in the alley, he's l ookin' for food
I' m in the kitchen with the tombstone blues
The hyst erical bride in the pe nny arcade
Scr eaming, she moans, 'I've ju st been made'
Th en sends for the doctor who pul ls down the shade
And says, 'M y advice is to not let the boys in'
Now the m edicine man comes and he shuffles inside
He walks with a swagger and he says to the bride
'St op all this weeping, swa llow your pride
You w ill not die, it's not poison'
Ma ma's in the factory, sh e ain't got no shoes
Da ddy's in the alley, he 's lookin' for food
I' m in the kitchen with the t ombstone blues
Well, John the Baptist, after to rturing a thief
Lo oks up at his hero the Co mmander-in-C hief
Sa ying, 'Tell me, great hero, but ple ase make it brief
Is there a hole for me to get sick in?'
The Com mander-in-Chief answers him while cha sing a fl y
Sa ying, 'Death to all those who wo uld whimper and cry'
An d dropping a barbell, he points to the sky
Saying, 'The s un's not yell ow, it's chicken'
Ma ma's in the factory, sh e ain't got no shoes
Da ddy's in the alley, he 's lookin' for food
I' m in the kitchen with the tombstone blues
Th e king of the Philistines, his so ldiers to save
Pu ts jawbones on their tombstones and fla tters their graves
Pu ts the pied pipers in prison and fa ttens the sl aves
Th en sends them out to the jungle
Gypsy D avey with a blowtorch, he bu rns out their camps
Wi th his faithful slave Pedro, behi nd him he tramps
Wi th a fantastic co llection of stamps
To win friends and in fluence h is uncle
Ma ma's in the factory, sh e ain't got no shoes
Da ddy's in the alley, he 's lookin' for food
I' m in the kitchen with the t ombstone blues
The g eometry of innocent fle sh on the b one
Ca uses Galileo's ma th book to get thr own
At Delilah, who's sitting w orthlessly alone
Bu t the tears on her ch eeks are from l aughter
I wish I could give Brother Bi ll his great thrill
I would set him in chains at the top of the hill
Then s end out for some pi llars and Cecil B. DeMille
He could d ie happily ever after
Ma ma's in the factory, sh e ain't got no shoes
Da ddy's in the alley, he 's lookin' for food
I' m in the kitchen with the tombstone blues
W here Ma Rainey and Beethoven once unwra pped a bed roll
Tu ba players now rehearse arou nd the flagpole
And the Na tional Bank, at a profit, sells ro ad maps for the s oul
To the o ld folks hom e and the college
I wish I could write you a me lody so pl ain
That could h old you, dear lady, from go ing ins ane
That could e ase you and cool you and ce ase the pain
Of your u seless and po intless knowledge
Ma ma's in the factory, she ain't g ot no shoes
Da ddy's in the alley, he's l ookin' for food
I' m in the kitchen with the t ombstone blues
