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To take on your hiking trip in the woods

With your bros that you've known since second grade

And you may encounter dragons or ruffians

And be called upon to employ y our testosterone

C Bm7(♭5) B♭ Dm

In a battle for supremacy and access to females g lued to the TV

And even if you are victorious

You may receive many cuts, bruises, and scrapes

And you will require Band-Aids and antiseptic ointments

And tender loving kisses on your stab wounds

And when you come home, she will be there

Waiting for you with a fire in her eyes

And a big fat cannoli to shove in your mouth

B♭

And that's why you

Thank God for girls

Holla Jesu Christe

From Tennessee to LA

Thank God for girls

On your reckoning day

You better bow down and pray

She's so big

She's so strong

She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls

Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)

Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)

Thank God for girls

I'm so glad I got a girl to think of

Even though she isn't mine

I think about her all the day and all the night

It's enough to know that she's alive

Dm C Bm7(♭5)

She says I give her sweaty palms, she almost had a heart attack

The truth is that I'm just as sc ared I don't know how to act

I wish that I could get to know her better

But meeting up in real life would cause the i llusion to shatter

I carved her name into all the trees

Sang a song down o n one knee

Looking at the underwear page of the Sears catalog

Like when I was fourteen

C Bm7(♭5) B♭

I'm levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around

I'm like an Indian Fakir tryin' to meditate

On a bed of nails with my pants pulled down

Thank God for girls

Holla Jesu Christe

From Tennessee to LA

Thank God for girls

On your reckoning day

You better bow down and pray

She's so big

She's so strong

She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls

Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)

Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)

Thank God for girls

God took a rib from Adam

Ground it up in a c entrifuge machine

Mixed it with cardamom and cloves

Microwaved it on the popcorn setting

While Adam was like (Woo hoo)

'That really hurts' (Going off int o the tundra)

So pissed at God

And he started lighting minor forest f ires, stealing osprey eggs

Messing with the bees who were tryin' to pollinate the echinacea

B♭ Dm C

Unt il God said, 'I'mma smite you with loneliness